Dear Mr
Brad Blackstone,
My name
is Syahiir and I am writing to get you to know more about me as your student. I
have graduated from Nanyang Polytechnic with a diploma in Manufacturing Engineering
and was working in the aerospace sector for 5 years. I eventually made the
decision to further my studies in hopes to upgrade my skills and knowledge in
the field of engineering. Hence, currently I am pursuing my bachelors in
Mechanical Design and Manufacturing Engineering.
In my
previous few applications, I was rejected by Singapore Institute of Technology
(SIT) but I did not give up and eventually got the placement offer.
My goals
in this programme is to further develop my technical knowledge and improve on
public speaking skills as well as effective communication.
Having to
oversee a few projects and working closely with my colleagues in my previous
job, I believe that I will be leading a team of future machinists and
engineers.
“Teamwork
makes the dream work.” This is a phrase that I found applies to the working
world from my time working at Collins Aerospace. I have learnt that being able
to work with others is essential, especially in teams or groups. From getting
to learn the basics from the machinist on how to operate the machines ,
applying of different measurement instruments and watching how everyone come
together to achieve a common goal motivates me. Therefore, my love and passion
for engineering has never wavered.
One area
for me to improve on is gaining more exposure in public speaking. Due to the
lack of exposure, I tend to find myself feeling uneasy and anxious
when I have to address to a large crowd. I work well behind the scenes.
However, I know to get everyone to achieve a common goal, addressing to a large
crowd is inevitable. Hence, I see the potential for me grow under your guidance
through your teaching of this module.
As for my
strengths, I have been told that I am a likeable person by my superiors in my
workplace. I am able to get along well with the other technicians and my
colleagues during my employment. There were multiple occasions that we had
differing opinions, but I always managed to create a safe environment for
everyone to acknowledge each other's opinions and finalize decisions base on team's
interest.
I look
forward to work on my areas for improvement and to build on my strengths.
Yours Sincerely,
Syahiir
I think the content is very clear. The points were linked and connected well with one another.
ReplyDeleteThe organization of the letter was also fluent. The way it's written is very pleasing to the eyes.
The language was also quite easily comprehendible.
All in all, I think it is well written.
thank you yu wei love you for your comment <3
DeleteThe content is extensive and allows readers to understand Syahiir as an individual easier and his language use is adequate for explaining his points, however the issue could be the organisation as some paragraphs do not link well with each other, interrupting the fluidity of the introduction.
ReplyDeletethanks yan chen. i will acknowledge your feedback. <3
DeleteThis is by far one of the interesting email i've read. I love the fact that you are using qoutes in your email which stands out from a different person. Great organisation structure which I really admire. Content is great which got me want to know you in person. There are some area that can be improved on. Overall, you did a great job.
ReplyDeleteThanks irsyad appreciate it much <3 love you irsyad ;D
DeleteSyahiir's letter covered all the points and was well written. I was pleased to see the use of quotes in his letter. There are a few grammatical errors but nonetheless, it was a good read. Good job :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for your feedback jazlyn. Shall take note of your feedback . Cheers :D
DeleteDear Syahiir,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this clear and well substantiated letter. The content is aligned with the assignment brief, you appropriately organize your thoughts and the language use is effective. You've also done well providing supporting information for each specific content area, which allows us readers to gain some understanding of who you are.
In the discussion of your work experience, for example, you mention how you learned skills such as teamwork and negotiation that have supported your personal and career development, and it's clear that you can build on those in terms of the communication you carry out in our module. You also demonstrate a clear willingness to improve in areas such as oral presenting.
Maybe the most impressive info in this letter is your sharing of various attempts to be admitted to SIT, and how the 'never give up attitude' finally showed the desired result. Congrats for that!
I look forward to working with you further this term.
Cheers,
Brad
thanks prof. Will look forward working with you too. <3 <3 <3
ReplyDelete